TOM is not exactly a natural instinct for people on the spectrum, so it must been learned. If you say something that makes somebody upset, and you don’t understand why, then it might help to imagine how you would react if somebody said it to you. If you do unintentionally (or intentionally, although we hope that’s not the case) hurt someone, you might also ask why what you said or did was hurtful and what you could do to repair the damage and not change your pattern of behavior and verbal expression.read more
I’m a 39-year-old woman who’s self-diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome almost a year ago. My partner had raised his concern earlier, but like many other aspies out there, I was in denial for a whole year. Now I am looking for a formal assessment. I am also dealing with some relationship problems.
I am quite desperate. I love my partner dearly, he means the world to me. But our relationship can’t seem to move forward due to my Asperger issues, most notably my emotional regulation.read more
Asperger’s Syndrome affects many successful adults in the IT, science, engineering, technology, finance, and even medical professions. But while their IQs are higher, their EQs are low. Their brains are uniquely configured to work with machines, data, facts and figures; however, they struggle to express their emotions or understand the feelings and needs of another person.read more
Guest post by Rutherford G (pseudonym)
Hi everyone! As you know, I am a person with Asperger’s, and this second part of my blog is a continuation of my favorite parts of Eva’s book. Sometimes being on the spectrum lends itself to having a difficult time, due to a plethora of reasons. The following excerpts are pieces of information that I have found particularly helpful, as they cover a wide variety of scenarios that can be difficult in a neurodiverse relationship. I hope you find them helpful as well!
Here are some of my favorite quotes from Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger’s Syndrome and my reflections on it!
Managing Anxiety, Depression, Anger, OCD, and ADHD:
A different condition can diagnose one’s ASD. Be aware of what diagnoses may come with ASD, and when exploring them, consider ASD as the underlying condition. I was fortunate to have my ASD diagnosis early in life, but lots of people go many years (sometimes most of their lives) without a diagnosis of their ASD, despite receiving diagnoses of their other conditions that came with ASD.
Guest post by Rutherford G (pseudonym)
Hi everyone! I’ve had Asperger’s since I was diagnosed at 8-years-old! I’m a young adult now and am taking on the world independently! As the case is with anyone doing that for the first time, it’s been rather hard, and without the consistent coaching I’ve gotten for my whole life, sometimes things get more difficult than I could have ever expected.
Part of having Asperger’s is struggling with interpersonal relationships, and I am no exception. Eva’s book has reinstated some of the support I’ve been familiar with, and I could not be more grateful. I’m able to build relationships in ways I’ve only seen neurotypical people do with (relative) ease because of the lessons taught in each chapter! I highly recommend reading this if you have ASD or know anyone with ASD; we all can learn a thing or two about building relationships between NS and ASD people, and this book is a wonderful way to do that.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger’s Syndrome and my reflections on it!read more
There’s research that indicates that girls and women with Asperger’s/autism learn social skills differently from men. Their Asperger’s or ASD might be harder to detect because they may mimic their non-ASD peers more successfully than men with AS can. Women also tend not to fit the geek-Asperger’s stereotype as much. Highly intelligent but somewhat quirky women may have more socially acceptable interests than men with AS, including animals, astrology, poetry, or even fashion. Also, clinicians aren’t trained or experienced in diagnosing AS in individuals that don’t appear stereotypically or obviously “Aspie.” In particular, individuals (men as well as women) who are highly accomplished and/or married and/or employed often don’t always receive the diagnosis.read more
Three of you in neurodiverse relationships where one or both partners have diagnosed or undiagnosed Asperger’s or Autism Spectrum Difference (ASD) in the Thrive with Aspergers audience asked questions about Aspergers and marriage.
The Why behind defensiveness in many Aspergers/NS (non spectrum) relationships
The concept of emotional bandwidth, and how to expand tolerance to talk about emotions.
How positive psychology can help both you and your partner appreciate each other and life more fully
How to lower anxiety about communication so that you can listen to each other more effectively.
This is a guest post by Steve Borgman, psychotherapist, blogger, autism specialist, and parent of a child with autism. This is what Steve says about his interview with me, in this episode, you’ll learn:
Eva’s background as a graphic designer, and how she ended up working with couples and specializing in Aspergers.
Her experience as a disability counselor at University of Massachusetts, Lowell, and the value of reviewing hundreds of neuropsychological profiles while there.
Why she enjoys working so much with neurodiverse individuals and couples
How Eva solves a challenge I’ve had for years: what term to use other than “neurotypical”. She suggests the term non-autistic or non-Aspergers. As she points out, what is neurotypical? Many of the couples she sees, the non-AS partner may be diagnosed with another condition, like depression, or ADD, or a learning difference.